It makes me so angry

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“I’ll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.” – Jeff Buckley, LAST GOODBYE
I don’t go around quoting Jeff Buckley, but I am a fan.  I was sitting down to write out a very quick post – keeping to my “postaday2011” promise – and he came to mind, actually he came to ear, or to be accurate he came to my mind via my ear.  Via my ear canal.  The eary canal perhaps?

I was trying to figure out what I should write, and the bouts of anger I’ve been dealing with as of late spoke up as if to say “write about me you whiny prick.”  For those who know me you may laugh at the “as of late” characterization since I often give the impression of being angry – i.e., the rants.  But over the past few months, I’ve been less angry, I’ve been more even keeled.  You know, taking “deep breaths,” being more relaxed, finding peace – channeling my “inner hippy.”

But the past couple of days the bitch is back.  The anger’s been rising high and hard, like I popped a couple of Vitriol Viagra – and nothing is safe.  Everything has been pissing me off: auditions that I travel to and prepare for that get canceled without notice; my neighbors blaring their music so loud it goes through the fire wall; the landlord who forgets his responsibility to keep the apartment at 68 degrees, and acts like he’s doing me a favor to turn on the fucking heat; the cold; the lack of work; my up and coming 40th birthday; my family; my friends; my blog.  See what I mean?

As I was thinking of my Anger Renaissance, Jeff Buckley’s angelic voice came over my mini-speakers (well only over one speaker really, since the right one seems to have crapped out, on purpose, just to freakin test me) and sang, as if reading my mind, “it makes me so angry, and you know that it does, I’ll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.”

So that’s really all I was going to write: I was being angry, wondering if I should write about being angry, and Jeff Buckley confessed to me that he was angry as well.  It’s not much of a post, I understand that.  If you want to be angry about it, have a blast, I will not -there are too many other candidates for my choler.  And I have some breathing to do, and some meditation to do, and some “getting the hell over my moody shit and enjoying life” to do.  It’s easy to forget that sometimes things don’t have to be as hard as we make them.  Perspective and attitude are some powerful players.  And to quote the bard “[t]here is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”  – William Shakespeare, HAMLET.

 

Thank you Jeff, we miss you.  You did make us cry, or at least me, but I’m kind of a sap.

 

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